Aren’t morons cute?

  By jeremy | 13 October, 2006 - 8:04 am | life, work

Sometimes I look at all the wonderful and good things that mere people have done throughout the vast, untold millennia of history, and I feel such an upwelling of pride for my fellow human beings, and the accomplishments of this incredible civilization that we have created, that I believe I just might explode.

And sometimes I just want to stab my fucking eyes out. O, how cruelly naive I can be!

Also at work today, i received an e-mail that gave me an idea for a new micro-podcast (which i’ve christened a nanocast; get it?), and the following, unrelated, e-mail (spacing, spelling, and complete and total obliteration of conventional rules of syntax and grammar intentionally left intact for humiliation):

Two thing return .  29.99  and   14.99   just one return no . Just two  things back to you .  Still owe me  14.99   that is correct and miss one   don’t say 14.99   I bet that you forget put on it .    Thanks  !

[sic]

(Translation: I also returned another item which I noticed you do not have listed on the return confirmation e-mail which I have received but failed to include for your reference. Can you provide further information on this issue? Is it possible that it could have somehow been lost?)

Q: What was the customer’s name?

pick one name from each column:
first name last name
Tonto Nahasapeemapetilon
Tumak Rogers
Sharon , The Ape Man
Ayla Bartokomous
Tuong Souphanousinphone

A: If you guessed “Sharon Rogers,” you’d be sadly correct. Not only that, but she was from Arizona.

Bonus: If you can guess to whom those other names belong, you are not only smarter than “Sharon Rogers,” you are indeed worthy of being enshrined as a Thinking Person.

 

NOTE: names and places have been changed to protect the imbecile’s privacy.

About jeremy

x jeremy jarratt is a blogger, musician, artist, poet, web developer/designer, armchair philosophizer, teller of tales, and gadabout. Also, something he calls a "behavioral artist." (Not sure.) He is currently unemployed, although he has plans. BIG plans. Among the things that he has done for a laugh are minor fractures, cuts, scrapes, and various scabs. Though he's quick to point out that he's no imbecile, we're fairly certain that he thinks the word means some kind of medieval pharmacist. This is his latest home on teh internets - where he stores his swear words, when he's not hurling them at the sun in vain.
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  • Pam

    Maybe she’s a stenographer and used to using abbreviated sentences (not that any of those made a sentence anyway…) Or maybe she was raised using Morse Code so she can only emit blurts of information. Or maybe she’s just a ‘tard. Eerily reminiscent of the classic one we received that contained the phrases “Too many question on my head” and “You may think but not absolute”. Ask the Iris.

  • Emily

    OMG I cannot believe that people in this day in age do not use spell check or reread their dag gone emails before clicking the send button. Just proves that our clients DO NOT READ!!! I find it so very sad that something so simple is just to big of a challenge to most people in this world. No wonder we have tons of emails to answer such dumbasses as the emails above exist, AHHHHH. I believe there is no place to hide from these people either, AHHHHH.